bigdreamswanqi

i thought he was out of my mind. never did i know that for a moment, he was just shadowed by the clouds. though the clouds have moved away, he, the sun is still shining ever brightly. like he never left. 
i managed to catch a glimpse of him today. at that instant, i was literally blown away like always. this time, i felt something different from his look. i see a lonely, sad, longing for someone look. and that very look which make me fall for him.. i really don't know how to put my feelings across to him. i want him to know but i fear the answer. and the greatest challenge is i should i even tell. i guess i have the mentality that i should try regardless the results. after the numbers of rejections, i guess what's there to lose.as a matter of fact, alot. especially when i put 101% into dreaming of him to be the special one. haix. when is this going to end? 
when will i know how and what he feels?   

it's sad to know that i have not done my part as a good sister and daughter.
it's disheartening. very disheartening.

today was a terrible day. i had hell. actually, i was very very tired.. on the very top of my today list was tuition. i woke up earlier to prepare a worksheet for my kid. tuition session was alright. after tuition i went to ntuc to purchase the ingredients to bake brownies. next i swept and mop the house and carried on to wash the laundry and bake the brownies and washed up. in the evening met up with xian for dinner. had lots to chat up. don't know why also we can meet frequently but still we have many things to update. it's like either time past too quickly or we just simply have too much to get out from our system. haha. but it's always great. bought a book titled,  "world without limit" it sounded like a book i had to get. will give a gist of the book when i'm done and you guys can borrow it if you liked it.

next, i am going back to work on monday. i will resume my phonics lesson, new quarter of school and working 1/2 day at daddy's place. it means income and it also means travelling. hurray! but i have to ssave up for my studies too. we'll see how. now i am just have happy to have extra income! yeah, about to doze off le. see you guys.
 

1. a nice black key purse
   
2. a mp3
   
3. new crumpler(camera-size) bag
   
4. new good friends
   
5. ta surprise
   
   Answer the following questions:
   1. The person who tag you is?
   FLORENCE SIEW YU MIN =D
   
   2. Your relationship with her is:
   bestie =) whom i wish i am always there for.

         3. Your 5 impressions of her:

sweet, amiable, friendly, lovable, sensitive

4. The most memorable thing she had done for you?

everytime. be it always being there for me or the things she has done for me and with me. =)

5. The most memorable words she had said to you?

seriously, i cannot remember le. (sorry girl. i remember things for events and flashbacks not through words.)

6. if she becomes your lover, you will?

love her wholeheartedly. she deserves to be loved well.

7. if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be?

more like i  will have to improve. i am not very open with my feelings. ohh.. thought of it. she has to add expressions. she tells me things like a dead person. honestly.

8. if he/she becomes your enemy, you will?

don't know? never thought of it and won't think of it either.

9. if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be?

my craziness? misunderstanding?

10. the most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is?

to tell her how much i love her and how thankful i am to have her as my friend.

11. your overall impression of him/her is?

bestest sister and friend i will treasure all my life. =D

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?

crazy? noisy? cheerful?

13. the character you love of yourself is?

i am willing to learn. accept indivdualism.

14. the most ideal person you want to be is?

smarter? more toned? gentler? more assertive?

15. for people that care and like you, say something to them.

i appreciate all of  you being there with me and for me despite my craziness, temper and ny nonsense. i think you guys know i am not very good with words and really thank you all for still being my friends and accepting me for who i am and never complain. Thank you. 

16. pass this quiz to 10 person that you wish to know how they feel about you.

1. flor

2.steffie

3.fat boy, justin

4.shao min

5.min min

6.geradine

7.min hui

8. brother, zixian

9. serene

10.sherry jie

who is no.6 having relationship with?

a guy who is worthy of her and loves her deeply.

Is no.9 a male or female?

female

If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?

hmm, unless they are you know.. =D

How bout no.8 and 5?

there will be hell. 5's not 8's type and neither is 8 5's type.

What is no.2 studying about?

mass communication. the last time i heard she majors in journalism.

When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?

just and everyday?

What kind of music band does no.8 like?

haha. i never really asked and i dont remember him mentioning? but i guess he's not picky with music?

Does no.1 has any siblings ?

1 elder bro

Will you woo no.3 ?

woo? oh please. haha. he's my brother. but he's a nice fella if he puts his brains for better use and not be FF?

How about no.7 ?

she's crazy and noisy like me. she's also pretty and nice. can consider?

Is no.4 single ?

very single but has a long queue of suitors.

What is the surname of no.5?

Lim

What is the nickname of no.10?

don't know. always call her sher jie.

What is the hobby of no.4?

Do no.5 and 9 get along well?

haha. yup, all about the same characters.

Where is no.2 studying at?

Talk something casually about no.1?

she's there.

Have you try developing feelings for no.8?

how do i say? haha.. he's a good guy and brother.

Where does no.9 live at?

not really. may have met on certain occassions. but i guess that's about it? 

Does no.7 likes no.2?

yes. used to be in the same class.

How do you get to know no.2?

secondary school. have had major fights before but are still bestie.

Does no.1 have any pets?

nope!

Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?

haha.. she's expectionally sexy when she laughs.


hopefully someone tags me back. keeping my fingers crossed. =P
see you guys soon and i love all of you.

i always loved taking personality tests. maybe because i am not a very easily understandable person. only through tests i get to know myself more. i like the explanantion of this test. you should try it too.
 http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm (click on Try On- Click Here)

 You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.

Your situation is such that at this time it is essential that you resolve your inherent problems immediately. You are not listening nor taking heed from your many friends and advisers, all of which believe it or not, 'wish you well'. Most of your colleagues feel that your attitude is out of context - an attitude of recklessness and desperation. It is imperative that some solution be found, but whatever you do, think before you act.

You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

You are presently experiencing excessive stress as a result of self-restraint. You act and think differently from the common herd and you want to be liked and admired for yourself and to associate with people who feel and act as you do. Because of this need to be self-reliant and to break away from mediocrity, you are finding this situation most uncomfortable and you are experiencing considerable anxiety - perhaps even more than you feel the capacity to cope with. You need to find a 'soul mate', someone whose standards are as high as your own - but where? Keep on searching... The situation is uncomfortable and you would like to break away from it, but you refuse to compromise with your opinions. You are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of necessary decisions. You are stubborn but this is no deterrent to a happy life, so why drop your standards. Think positively, everything will work out. It has worked out successfully for you in the past and it will again in the future.

You seem to be always on the defensive and that is because you have failed to establish yourself in a manner consistent with your own high opinion of yourself. You are trying to prove yourself with inadequate resources and this has resulted in considerable stress. You are trying to escape from these excessive demands on your reserves by adopting a defensive attitude in which you refuse to be committed or to be involved in further unpleasantness. 

yesterday was a good day in general. was supposed to go to my uncle's place for grandfather's death anniversary. the day started with a case of theft. once again, we called on the police for there were evidence. and as usual, nothing could be done. but well, we kinda got used to it already. we might as well depend on ourselves than those policemen. thereafter we went to my uncle's place. in the late afternoon i sent my brother to church. in the car ger, justin, sher jie and me were chatting. i always loved chatting with sher jie. she makes me feel that what i say is important and that she's interested. i loved her thoughts. i love the way she lives her life. since young i always had her as my role model. 

right now, i am just rotting myself at home. wondering where to go for dinner. 

you guys have a good evening. 

will dreams always be just dreams? 
and only found in sleep?
just as when i pick up my stride and 
get ready to move on,
i stumble again.
life are full obstacles and pit-holes. 
i get it. but why do i keep falling into 
then? moreover the same obstacles.
will my dreams get fulfilled? i 
promised i will work hard.

it's the end of another quarter. *phew* i survived it. still doing well. thankfully, i wasn't penalized too much for last submition. most of them were late. as a matter of fact i think, all were late. after the quarter, i figured it's really high time i plan my future studies. i know it's kind of early but i still think it's esstential that i planned early. at least i can rest my case and concentrate fully. 
there are so many subfields in psychology;-
-clinical
-cognitive & perceptual
-counselling
-developmental
-educational 
and so many more.   

i am so lost for choices. however, i do like the counselling, developmental and educational. isn't great if they have majors in all these? but well, that's one issue. the other concern is,  i don't know what degree to do. another bachelor degree? a graduate diploma? a post-graduate diploma? i have drop the idea of taking the masters straight away. it's better if i bridge my studies. maybe then there isn't too much of a transition. and lastly, the money issue. all i can think now is i will probably fly as a stewardess for 2-3 years? to save up. if the basic salary is $3,500 and after working, i would earn at least $84,000- $128,000. and it would be enough to cover the tuition fees. 

meanwhile for the following months, i will just give tuitions and quickly finish the enrichment course. after that, i can either give enrichment classes or work part time in childcare centres and gain the experience i need. maybe singapore american school or eton house or centers around my area. 

in 2009 i  will graduate from advent links and from 2010-2012( 22-24) i will  probably fly and study for the most another 4-5yrs (25-28/29)  -settle down. come back gain some experience in the psychology field. earn my keeps and open my centre. maybe i can do that while overseas. i can maybe do some stock investment. we'll see how. that's roughly my plan for my next 10yrs. hopefully no more delay. or i'll be old and haggard when i am successful.